New York Times Bestseller: The Ward Directory

As with every BYU single student ward, the most important publication to put out is the Ward Directory. The purpose of a Directory is to be able to contact those in your ward when you have need to. For example, get a hold of your home teachers, your FHE parents, the Relief Society secretary, your Visiting Teaching Supervisor, and most important of all, the Bishopric. The purpose of a BYU ward directory is somewhat different. I have heard it called, "The Ward Selectory", "The Menu," and my favorite, "The Meat (Meet?) Sheet". What is the point of including every one's picture, if not for dating purposes? This way, you don't have to call the entire opposite sex in your ward before you determine if you are compatible, you can just easily scratch off the ugly ones and only go for the good-looking ones. Many of these directories include their career (ie student, dentist, janitor) and what their major is if they are a student. This is to make your dating pool smaller by weeding out the stupid ones. For example, ladies, would you rather date a Mechanical Engineer that has no time for you now, but will certainly make money in the future? Or would you rather pursue an English major that can communicate well but will live in a box the rest of his life? Or gentleman, how about an MFHD major that will make a great wife and mother, or a physics major that will forever be smarter that you and can use relativity to her advantage? I understand that the questions were biased, but it is helpful to know these things. And lastly, all directories include hometown. That way, you can avoid dating someone that is from South Carolina when your from California. So when it comes marriage time, transportation costs are easier and you can move as far away from your in-laws as possible without moving to a different continent. Either that or you can just stay in Utah and avoid those awkward family reunions because I assure you, no one wants to vacation in Utah.

To sum it all up, I will tell you my recent BYU Ward Directory Activities. I filled out the paper that stated my hometown is Littleton, CO (far enough away from Utah), that my current job status is a student, and that my major was then undecided between Mechanical Engineering and Physics. The only thing left was my beautiful mug shot. A guy in my ward comes at 11PM on Thursday night with a camera. The problem? The photo shoot was scheduled without my knowledge and my evening was spent running and doing homework. Needless to say, I did not want everyone in the ward to think that I only "clean up nicely." I was told to email a picture the next day so that the Directory can be out on Sunday so the dating game can begin. Next problem - I had no good pictures unless they wanted one of me in my swimsuit or one where my face is have the area of the cross-section of a dime. Solution - I go to my BYU personal information page and send the picture that is on my BYU ID card. Yes, this picture was taken Freshman year (two years ago), but my hair is about the same length. At least it looks like me.

I know that come Sunday, I will search through that book feeling for inspiration. I just hope that it doesn't come in the way of inspiring me to run away as fast as possible.